Andy's Blog - Latest Comments

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

Sarah — Fri, 27 Sep 2013 00:26:37 -0000

I don't usually click on many articles in my FaceBook news feed, but the caption under the picture drew me in, and I couldn't resist. Great food for thought. Thank you!
Now I'm asking, if we shouldn't tell our strong, leader-like girls they're bossy, then what should we do? Can you give some concrete examples please?

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 21:54:33 -0000

Brandice, Here's the funny thing . . . Here's a screen shot where you can actually see the time stamp on the note. Dated March of 2011. Hope it's proof that it was an original thought. :)

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 21:51:15 -0000

Brandice, this was brought to my attention by a friend of mine. I've worked in publishing for about 13 years now. This happens from time to time and it's always kind of a sick feeling as an author. You can't really do anything but say that your thoughts and words come from your experiences and that the similarity is just coincidence. But, it never looks great. My process as a writer is to keep several running notes where I collect ideas. Yesterday was a day where I didn't have anything particular on my mind. I went back to notebook and flipped through it. This was a seed idea that started from the party I mentioned above. Must have been at least two years ago, maybe a little less. I've made the point before in seminars I lead but yesterday was the day I decided to unpack it in writing. All I can say is that I had never heard of Mrs. Sandberg's work until, as I mentioned, it was pointed out to me by a friend. The encouraging thing to me is that it's apparently an experience that is universal enough to be addressed by multiple people. My hope is that this leads to changed attitudes. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 21:45:49 -0000

Heather, I do think it goes both ways, for sure, and can't be limited to just boys or girls. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

Brandice Yelton — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 20:14:01 -0000

I love what this article is saying, but it's strikingly similar to Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

Heather Franklin — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 19:42:35 -0000

Makes me think about how I address my son's behavior also. I think I do too often see his assertiveness as being bossy rather than being a leader.

Re: The Right Motivation For Our Children’s Good Behavior?

andyblanks — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 15:42:56 -0000

Oh yeah. It's super hard, because rule following is SO easy to track! We can "measure progress." It feels good to us to be able to say, "See. Our kids follow the rules." And you are right: following the rules is good and important. But, one of my biggest faults as a parent is trying to produce good little rule followers instead of girls who long to imitate Jesus. HUGE difference, as I know you well know. It's our challenge, for sure. Oh, and to also lead our children to do it as we are still stumbling to do it ourselves. :) But, it's a challenge that's worth fighting. Good times. Thanks for sounding off.

Re: The Right Motivation For Our Children’s Good Behavior?

Benjer McVeigh — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 15:11:47 -0000

So, so, so hard...because it's much easier for me to set rules (which are necessary) than it is to help my daughters think through what a "best" behavior is. And when I'm annoyed or upset at a choice one of them has made, it takes a lot more effort to process through it with them than it does to simply dispense a punishment.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 23:03:50 -0000

Jennifer, I can only imagine how frustrating that must have been for you. I remember being encouraged to express my leadership skills at a young age. It's a shame when our daughters aren't encouraged similarly. But, I guess the bright side is that we have a chance to do it differently, right? :) Thanks for sharing and for stopping by.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

Jennifer McVeigh — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 23:00:59 -0000

Until I was about 14, I was often called "Bossy," after that I was called "Intimidating." This post is the story of my life :). Thanks for calling attention to the difference between being bossy and having leadership skills. I feel more at home when I am leading others than anything else I get to do. (Which is one reason why I love being a Stay At Home Mom - lots of leading here!)

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 22:27:01 -0000

Ha. You turned out pretty good, I'd say. :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts, MM.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

Mary Margaret — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 22:23:10 -0000

I was once a "bossy" girl, but am so thankful for those who helped me cultivate and realize it as leadership. Great post!

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 15:38:27 -0000

I can see it, Shaq. :) Thanks for stopping by. Hope your family is doing well. Miss you guys.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

Shaq — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 15:37:22 -0000

I love everything about this post. I was your oldest as a child. Ironically, it's what I'm paid to do now.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 10:19:38 -0000

Ha. Thanks Dr. J. Hope you are doing well.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

andyblanks — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 10:19:25 -0000

Thanks, John. Miss you buddy. Need to catch up soon.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

John Vandervelde — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 10:17:47 -0000

Love this post man. Great encouragement...strong reminder. As a dad of two awesome daughters I needed to hear this today. Thanks.

Re: Never Say This To Your Daughter

Judi Alexander Jackson — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 10:17:39 -0000

From one of those bossy girls (and mother of another), I say THANK YOU!

Re: An Uncomfortable Question Worth Answering

Tony Myles — Tue, 17 Sep 2013 01:25:05 -0000

Solid stuff, Andy! I like where you went with good deeds. It hit me years ago that our problem isn't that we do bad things but that without Jesus we're dead. We need Life in our lives, and nothing less.

Re: A Thought For Friday: My Favorite Spurgeon Quote

andyblanks — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 23:00:02 -0000

Me too, friend. This one rocks me every time.

Thanks for stopping by.

Re: A Thought For Friday: My Favorite Spurgeon Quote

kolby milton — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 22:58:44 -0000

Love this. Thanks for sharing. Huge Spurgeon fan.

Re: Giving Others The Gift Of Presence

andyblanks — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 08:33:46 -0000

J Costin, Thanks so much for leaving your comment. My experience is that the tension you describe is so common to professionals, men and women alike. I have a little ritual that helps me. When I pull in our neighborhood, I begin to mentally prepare myself to meet my family. I'll take a deep breath and try and clear my head. I'll actually say to myself, "It's go time," almost pumping myself up to be on go for my wife and kids. I know it sounds silly, but it's a trigger to me to take the pressures of the day off, and leave them in my car. I'll pause before getting out, take a deep breath, and make one last effort to start with a clean slate before engaging with my family. I'm not perfectly successful 100% of the time, but it helps me. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts.

Re: Giving Others The Gift Of Presence

J Costin — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 07:56:38 -0000

Truly words that I needed to hear at this time. I have a new position at work with no true job description so everything falls to me...and it's starting to become overwhelming. I take the stresses of the day home and am physically home, but mentally, still at work. Thank you!

Re: Pursuing (God-Centered) Positive Parenting

Lynn Groom — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 10:15:52 -0000

Brendt, I have recently been through several VERY popular parenting books that left me discouraged. These posts, along with several other blog writers God is bringing into my view, are ministering to me--truth is such a breath of fresh air! Thank you for posting!

Re: What’s Keeping You From A Faith That’s Real?

Christopher Wesley — Mon, 09 Sep 2013 10:19:47 -0000

Definitely, and that's what makes a blog so good, when you make it personal. Thanks for inviting us on the journey.